Nate's Memorial Tributes

On October 24th, we honored our son, Nathaniel Dean and promised to remember him forever. To never forget that he was alive, that he was valued, and that he had a purpose. We held his service at a beautiful open air chapel that overlooked the Catawba River at sunset. I was a peaceful place and once that I will always remember fondly and that I look forward to visiting often.

The following are the kind words that were spoken at Nate's Memorial. We were so blessed to be surrounded that day by family in the form of friends. Our dear friend, Pete, was the one to officiate the memorial, and delivered such a comforting message on God's provision and presence in a nightmare, which is apt, because that is what losing our son felt like. My sister and best friend, Lisa spoke a kind tribute to her nephew, whom she loved fiercely, even though they never met. My dearest friend turned sister, Ashleigh, who I have known for 27 years, my dear friend Danielle, who has been part of the amazing group of close knit supporters that have allowed me to borrow on their faith when mine was shaken, Matthew, our dear friend and Pastor of our fellowship, and my sweet, sweet friend, Katie, who also lost her sweet baby just 6 years prior.




From our dear friend, Peter Wilson who presided over Nate's memorial:

1 Samuel 19

Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David. But Saul’s son Jonathan liked David very much, 2 so he told him, “My father, Saul, intends to kill you. Be on your guard in the morning and hide in a secret place and stay there. 3 I’ll go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are and talk to him about you. When I see what he says, I’ll tell you.”

4 Jonathan spoke well of David to his father, Saul. He said to him, “The king should not sin against his servant David. He hasn’t sinned against you; in fact, his actions have been a great advantage to you. 5 He took his life in his hands when he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great victory for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced, so why would you sin against innocent blood by killing David for no reason?”

6 Saul listened to Jonathan’s advice and swore an oath: “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be killed.” 7 So Jonathan summoned David and told him all these words. Then Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he served him as he did before.

8 When war broke out again, David went out and fought against the Philistines. He defeated them with such great force that they fled from him.

9 Now an evil spirit sent from the Lord came on Saul as he was sitting in his palace holding a spear. David was playing the lyre, 10 and Saul tried to pin David to the wall with the spear. As the spear struck the wall, David eluded Saul, ran away, and escaped that night. 11 Saul sent agents to David’s house to watch for him and kill him in the morning. But his wife Michal warned David, “If you don’t escape tonight, you will be dead tomorrow!” 12 So she lowered David from the window, and he fled and escaped. 13 Then Michal took the household idol and put it on the bed, placed some goat hair on its head, and covered it with a garment. 14 When Saul sent agents to seize David, Michal said, “He’s sick.”

15 Saul sent the agents back to see David and said, “Bring him on his bed so I can kill him.” 16 When the agents arrived, to their surprise, the household idol was on the bed with some goat hair on its head.

17 Saul asked Michal, “Why did you deceive me like this? You sent my enemy away, and he has escaped!” She answered him, “He said to me, ‘Let me go! Why should I kill you?’”

18 So David fled and escaped and went to Samuel at Ramah and told him everything Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel left and stayed at Naioth.

19 When it was reported to Saul that David was at Naioth in Ramah, 20 he sent agents to seize David. However, when they saw the group of prophets prophesying with Samuel leading them, the Spirit of God came on Saul’s agents, and they also started prophesying. 21 When they reported to Saul, he sent other agents, and they also began prophesying. So Saul tried again and sent a third group of agents, and even they began prophesying. 22 Then Saul himself went to Ramah. He came to the large cistern at Secu and asked, “Where are Samuel and David?” “At Naioth in Ramah,” someone said.

23 So he went to Naioth in Ramah. The Spirit of God also came on him, and as he walked along, he prophesied until he entered Naioth in Ramah. 24 Saul then removed his clothes and also prophesied before Samuel; he collapsed and lay naked all that day and all that night. That is why they say, “Is Saul also among the prophets?”




You may be saying to yourself right now, and it would be understandable, that this seems like an odd passage of scripture for a memorial service. And you would be right. At first glance there doesn’t seem to be anything at all in this chapter of Samuel relevant to why we are here. But I don’t think that’s true.

You see, we are here to memorialize a child that left us much too soon, a child that none of us ever met. But we have met this family. We know them, and we know all of the hopes and dreams they had for little Nate. And they have been left wondering, God, where are you in all of this? That is what I want to look at. God’s provision in a nightmare.

In 1 Samuel 19, Saul has become so jealous of David, he decides it's time to kill him. This is the background that becomes David’s nightmare. And he ends up interacting with three very different people, all of whom end up being exactly what he needed in the middle of a nightmare. We have Jonathan, David’s best friend, and the heir to Saul’s throne, Michal, his streetwise and practical wife, who is also Saul’s daughter, and Samuel, who at this point is an aging prophet who serves as a godly mentor of David.

In verse 1, when Saul makes his private thoughts public, and orders Jonathan and his servants to kill David, it says that Jonathan speaks well of David to his father. And scripture says Saul listened to his son Jonathan, and at least for a short time, David was united with Saul. Speaking well about people to others, can be just as important in a person's life as the things we say to ourselves in private. It can bring healing, it can bring empathy, it can even bring friendship where it may not have previously been, and Jonathan walks up to the most powerful man in his world at the time, and speaks well of someone that man wants killed!

Skip ahead to verse 11, Saul has changed his mind and sent people to David’s house to kill him, and David’s wife is the only one who sees the danger, helps him escape, and gives him valuable time to get away. David’s streetwise wife acts even when David doesn’t. While Michal is running around planning his escape, David is writing Psalm 59.

David runs to his mentor, Samuel, who gives him a place to stay, and provides safety. With Samuel, Saul will find it impossible to get to David, no matter who he sends.

So how does this relate to us here today? David gets very different things from three, very different people. It is exactly the help that he needs right when he needs it. Sometimes in life it feels like our entire world is falling apart. So where does our help come from? During these times we need to recognize that God’s provision in a nightmare almost always comes through other people. Sometimes it's just a kind word. It may be a meal, or a listening ear, or someone to watch the kids when a break is needed. So take a look at the list of help David receives and ask yourself... can I fulfil one of those roles for Tim and Amy? Can I be the friend that they desperately need? Can I come alongside them in prayer? Can I bring a kind word, even knowing that words can’t fix their pain? How can you be the hands and feet of Jesus to this precious family as they walk through their grief? Our Heavenly father wants us to be image bearers of his kingdom here on earth. In doing that, we can be His provision in a nightmare. We can be their provision in a nightmare.



From my sister, Lisa Riste

Baby Nate-we haven’t met, and sadly we won’t meet in this life. I am so blessed to have one memory of you that I will always hold in my heart. I was there with your mommy and daddy to hear the sound of your little heart beating for the first time. I loved you from the moment I found out you were coming and I will love you always.

Today so many people who loved you are gathered to remember you, to love you and to say that they’ll see you someday in heaven. We are all here to wrap your mommy, daddy, brothers, and sisters in love and support. I wish I would’ve had the chance to say hello before I have to say goodbye but God wanted to be the first to greet you, and I know someday we will all have our chance too.

Auntie loves you sweet boy.



From my Dearest Friend, Ashleigh Wilson

A memorial is a time to remember those we have lost.

Baby Nathaniel left before we were able to make memories with him, but I certainly have memories of him, and of the joy he brought to his family.

Amy, you and I have been friends for 27 years now. You are more sister than friend. And because of that, I’m fortunate to have a few more memories than most.

And I am so grateful for the few precious memories I have.

I remember the day that You found out that the Lord had answered your prayers, that you were expecting a baby! We sat on the bench in the garden and I rocked my newborn baby and we just kept staring at those two pink lines. You’d think that after so many babies those moments would lose their luster, but nope. It’s just as exciting the sixth time as the first.

I remember how we marveled at God's goodness in bringing this new baby at such a perfect time. Due March first, after the time to start seeds, and 6 weeks before time to put plants in the ground! You would get to rock your own baby in the garden next year.

I remember how excited Emma and Alex and Jacob and Lily were that they were getting a new sibling!!! I’m certain that had Henry understood what it all meant, he’d have been excited too. Even my own children were overjoyed for their Aunt Amy and Uncle Tim!

I remember just how happy Tim was…I'm certain that I’ve never known a man who loves babies quite like Tim does…happier than a bird with a French fry, that man was!

I remember when you found Nate's heartbeat for the first time!!! That galloping beat that says “life grows here!”….there’s no sound in the world that compares.

I remember seeing Nate's first picture. That black and white ultrasound that showed a perfect little baby, growing just as he should be.

I remember when the bloodwork came back that showed that another baby BOY would be joining the family! We talked about how great it was that Henry would have a brother so close in age, they’d be the best of friends!

I remember when you felt your son kick for the first time. There’s a new bond, a new depth of love that comes with those first little kicks.

And I remember the text just days later that said that they couldn’t find his heartbeat, and it seemed to me that he must just be hiding. 16 weeks is so small, after all.

And then he was gone.

But I remember.

The 16 weeks he spent in the safety of his mama's womb were too few, but I remember just how very loved and how very wanted he was.

Nathaniel Dean Knighten, a beloved son and brother.

Amy, Tim, scripture tells us to mourn with those who mourn, weep with those who weep. But I want to add remember to that list. I promise to always remember your Nate. To speak his name and remember…not only the pain of his leaving, but also the joy he brought in his short life. His time spent here was not without purpose. I will not forget him.

I will remember.

From my dear friend Danielle Freeman

When you asked me to speak, I instantly said yes. And then the gravity of that came rushing in. You see, I’m not that fantastic with correctly articulating what my heart and mind feel and want to say, so I usually show someone that I love and care for them very very much by feeding you. (you’d think I’m Italian, but nope)

But you asked me to speak, so I’m going to pray and trust that you know my heart and love behind every word I speak.

When I was contemplating what to say that would even slightly reach into what you two, and as a family are walking through, a scripture kept playing over and over again in my head.

Romans 12:15 tells us to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice, and to mourn with those that mourn’

Oh how we rejoiced when you told us you were expecting again, and if it was up to me it would have stayed with rejoicing, but that’s just the thing, it’s not up to me. Instead we mourn. I mourned with you when I received the earth shattering news, I wept tears when you birthed your sweet boy, and here we are today mourning with you as we highlight your sweet 6th baby.

Grief will come and go as it pleases like an uninvited guest at a dinner party. But you don’t have to host it by yourself.

Nathaniel meant the world to you, and he IS your 6th beautiful baby. Your 4th boy. And although he isn’t here in the way we all so prayed for that he would be, he will be a part of your everyday life. And think that Nate will be a part of a whole other generation that is yet to come. Your children will one day tell their children that they had another brother. And just like that he will be a part of their journey in life and his name and who he is won’t be forgotten.

The way that I know I will forever and always remember Nate is by the sweetest little reminder God placed all over our gardens. Something that used to be so incredibly ordinary, that now holds so much value and meaning. The frost Aster. The flower that grows up everywhere after it gets away from me in the growing season, and then right when it becomes uncontrollably bushy and wild, here pop out the most adorable and dainty looking white flowers with a beautiful yellow core. One of the last things that will bloom before the first frost hits. And it makes me smile every time I walk past it in my garden and i pray that one day seeing it, will fill your hearts with joy, that it reminds you of Nate in the most precious and sweet way.

Seeing the frost Aster makes me stop and think of you and pray for you because this grief doesn’t go away after today. And if God asks us to mourn with those that mourn then that isn’t a one time thing, This is a lifelong commitment, as much has grief will be a life long companion for you.

So now, 50 years from now and every year, season and moment in-between, when grief comes over for dinner, call me over. Dinner always tastes better when it’s shared with those you love.

Love you



From our dear friend and Pastor, Matthew Vander Els


We are here today to mourn and grieve a great loss. And here’s the thing, Tim, Amy, despite having so many friends and family, the reality is, you are forced to walk this journey alone. No one else can know the level of grief, the level of mourning, the level of pain that you are feeling. No one else know the level of anger or confusion. No one else has lost Nate. You have. But, the one feeling I hope you guys never feel during this chapter of loss, is abandonment. Because if you look around today, I hope you see family. A family that loves you and cares about you. A family that wants to stand with you, a family that wishes they could burden the pain.

In the book of 1 Samuel, chapter 1, there is a prayer from a woman named Hannah. She had asked the Lord for a child and she ended up having a boy named Samuel. At the end of chapter 1, she brings the child to the tabernacle to give him to the Lord (a stipulation of her getting pregnant) to be devoted to working in the tabernacle.

In verse 27, she prays “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. “ Now, the Hebrew word translated as child is na’ar. It doesn’t just mean child, but also means prince. The second in command. Joseph in Egypt. Benjamin to Joseph. The right hand. Today we mourn the loss of Nathaniel Dean. But, also recognize the loss of a na’ar. Today we honor the prince of the Knighten family. And just like Hannah, we give him over to the Lord, even if it unwillingly.

In Hebrew there is a word, zachor. It means memory. And, the sense is not like a memory that plays and you remember and it dissipates. No. Zachor is to hold an active memorial. Its meant to portray the impact of a memory and change how you proceed forward in life. How will the loss of Nathaniel Dean change the way each of you lives? How will you grow from this to become something better to the world? Amy, Tim, the name of Nathaniel Dean will never be forgotten in this community. We will zachor. So today, we are gathered here today to mourn. But also, to honor the na'ar. Prince Nate.



From our dear friend, Katie Price

Today I have been given the honor to speak at Nathaniel Dean Knighten’s memorial. A precious baby boy born at just 2.8 ounces, 7 inches long. A baby boy, taken before we all
here could hold, love, and kiss on… One that we love so dearly despite never meeting him in person.


Speaking today, is hard for me. You see, just 6 years ago today, I was at home asking for prayers as I was also losing my precious baby girl, Mia Paige Price. Although the
miscarriages were different, the outcome was the same. The Knighten Family and my family are not unique to this loss, but the pain, the grief, the quiet sorrow is something one carries
with them forever.



There will be many questions asked:
What ifs?
Why’s?
What?
How could you?.



The problem is, for most of us, we don’t get the answers while here on earth.



While I feel the miscarriages I have experienced do not come close to comparing to the traumatic loss the Knighten Family experienced, I have walked away with a few seeds of hope.



So, from one momma’s broken heart to another, I would like to share something I walked away with….

In January of this year, I was given the opportunity participate in a prayer meeting that was dedicated just to me. While there I received healing, prayer, and encouraging words about my precious Mia. The image given to my friends who were praying for me was that of my Mia in the loving arms of the Father, where she was in a prayer garden. In this prayer garden, Mia and others like her, were there to pray for us, to collect our tears, and intercede for those who lost their babies. My Mia, was being raised in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. During that time, as tears poured down my face, I realized there is no better place for her to be.

Now, you may say, How can that be? Is that even true? To be honest, I don’t know…. But I think that is what faith is…. It is believing in what you can’t see. Just as Abraham had no
way to see the possibility of having a nation be born from him, he believed. So, I lift my faith up, and hope, and pray that this is the case. I will say, even if it isn’t true, I still I
KNOW my heavenly Father is walking with me and has guided me through that awful time.
I believe that he is doing the same for Amy, Tim, Emma, Alex, Jacob, Lilly, and little Henry. When they wonder what Nathaniel would have been like, how he would play with his
siblings, God will hold them up and comfort them.

Psalms 34:18, The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit.

Lamentations 3:20-26, I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh
each morning. I say to myself, the LORD is my inheritance,
there’ll I will put my hope in him! The lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who
search for him. SO it is good to wait quietly for the salvation from the LORD.



Verse 31: Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.



Verse 55: But I called on your name, LORD, from deep with in the pit. You heard me when I cried,” Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help! You you came when I called.


So, as we come here with sorrow in our hearts, we cry out to our heavenly Father, and say, LORD hear our cry. Be near to Knighten Family and those who are broken in spirit for the
loss of this precious baby. Hear our cry. Let us see your mighty hand heal, your love, and keep us close to your heart. Do not leave us alone in our sorrow. When we think of the most perfect Nate, we remember: You made all the delicate inner parts of his body. You knit
him together in Amy’s womb. You made our sweet Nathaniel wonderfully complex. You watched over him, as he grew in utter seclusion. You saw him even in the womb, and
recorded all his days. You breathed your life over him, and have a purpose for him. How precious are your thoughts toward Nate, and oh how much you love him. So today, we
trust our sweet Nathaniel Dean Knighten in your hands. For him to be loved on, nurtured, and to be raised up in the heavenly places. With faith, hope, and trust, we ask that we can see him again- when we are united with all those who go before us. For Knighten Family, Father, we ask that you continue to heal their heart, capture their tears and give them then answers,
strength, and peace they need. HOLD them tightly and lift them out of the pit of sorrow. May they see your hand of love, and surround them with friends and your spirit to lead them all the days of their lives.

___________

Losing my son was one of the most difficult and emotionally taxing things that I have dealt with to date. It is not something I ever thought I would experience. But I am so grateful for my friends, my fellowship, my family, and my Father who provided the provision that would get me through it.