Knighten Days

February 12th February 16th 4 days. 96 hours of life happened between these first two pictures.  In the first, I was bursting with joy and love for this sweet baby I was finally meeting. The sweet baby my friend had delivered while I was down with COVID. I was so enchanted by her.  In the second picture, I am holding my own youngest baby, who isn’t really even a baby anymore. I just call him that to soothe my heart.  In the first picture, I was imagining how I should be holding my 4th son, my 6th child in just a few short weeks. I was due to deliver him in just two weeks. I also imagined how in just 7 more months, I would be holding my 7th child instead.  In the 2nd picture, I am just shy of 36 hours post-surgery. I began to miscarry just hours after the first picture. I went to the emergency room with heavy bleeding that only kept getting heavier. I ended up under general anesthesia for a procedure to empty my womb so that the hemorrhaging would stop. ...

 It’s officially Valentine’s Day. I want to share what love looks like, and how amazing my husband is.  This might be too much info for some. Or too graphic for others. Or even completely unromantic. But life is intimate and graphic and messy and unexpected.  Over the last 5 months, I have gained a new appreciation for what love looks like. I’ve always known my husband was amazing and loving and attentive. But in the last five months, he has held me and cried with me when we lost our son. He held our son and rocked him when he was born already gone from this world. He cared for our other 5 children when I couldn’t do more than sit on the edge of the bed barely stringing together coherent thoughts.   Today, I was going to announce that we were expecting again. I have an ultrasound scheduled and I had a cute little video reel planned. But instead, I am in bed recovering from an emergency D&E to stop the hemorrhage that accompanied my miscarriage. My husband sp...